The second best thing to thinking (/acting) positively...

is whining in my blog.

One of the things I was most looking forward to was living with a host family. I had imagined that I would be staying with very warm, friendly people, who would take me under their wing and help me get to know Barcelona, get to know the culture, etc. I anticipated some awkward spots at times, but I imagined that after a while I'd feel like part of the family...

unfortunately, it hasn't been very much like that at all. I have been trying very, very hard to stay positive about it but today I'm not doing such a good job, and I'm going to indulge myself and complain because I've about had it and I'd like to vent.

Today wasn't even really their fault, I guess. They had some family/friends over for lunch (the main meal here). Usually I go out during the day but today I didn't feel like it, and was just hanging out in my room. But it was so awkward to just be in here by myself - they didn't even bother to introduce me or anything. And while I know it's not their obligation, for the number of times that I'm not here for dinner or away for the weekend, and the few times that I do happen to be in the house for lunch time (I'm usually not)... I feel like they maybe could have offered me lunch? I don't know. I do know that I felt kind of like the ugly stepchild all day, sitting in my room while they ate and chatted in the living room. It wasn't a great feeling.... and it made me miss my friends and family a lot :( ....

I mean they're basically very nice but just haven't been exactly "warm" - and I can be on the sensitive side, so when someone isn't "warm" to me, it might as well be cold... Meh!

I think a huge part of the problem is the little girl. She honestly is one of the most ill-behaved children I have ever met. For example, a couple weeks ago, we were watching a movie together with her Grandma (Dad was away on a business trip, Mom was at work)...everything was totally fine. Grandma then gets up to go into the kitchen.... as soon as she does, Noa gets up and bites my arm, and I mean, BITES - I had a bruise of her dental records for about two weeks. What four year old is evil enough to wait until no one's in the room to bite someone 5 times their age??? I keep thinking it's because I don't spend enough time with her, when when I do try to play with her or whatever, she's completely unbearable, kicking, biting, screaming, stealing my things, etc. It's ridiculous. The Spanish I'm learning mostly involves the indicative: "Don't pull my hair"/ "Don't touch my computer" / "Don't bite me" etc. Fun stuff, right?

I can understand why she acts the way she does, to some degree - for one, her parents let her act that way (she is an only child, with two giant rooms full of toys, sleeps with the parents still even though she's four, etc.!), for two, her mom works nights and her dad goes away on business trips every week for a few days, and it seems like they're not often together for family time (so she's acting out as a result of a lack of attention or something - and the parents themselves happen to fight often as well), and for three, me not being able to speak Spanish very well makes her think I'm an idiot and that she can get away with anything.

Her parents do yell at her when she's bad (which is 24/7, which also makes things awkward) but it's without any consistency, and I think she hears it so much that it just doesn't register. I would also say that she cries for at least 4 hours a day. And by cries, I mean wails and screams.

I really wish that they had a Spanish version of Supernanny :(

Noa's behavior and my general weariness of her in turn make things kind of awkward with her parents.... viscious cycle style. I don't know. To be fair, the dad is really quite nice to me, always asking me how my day was, etc. It's more the mother that's a little less than friendly at times... I think she's kind of stressed out (I would be too if I had such a devil of a kid.......)

Add to all this the fact that A) They don't believe in eating vegetables B) We live in the not-so-nice area of town (to be fair, so do 1/2 of the other students in my group, although I happen to be the furthest out) and C) She's only finally doing my laundry for the second time since I've been hereafter I specifically asked her to... makes me a little frustrated at times.

Yikes.

Blah. I can certainly handle it all but I honestly think I'm going to feel obligated to advise our program director to not situate another student in this house - or maybe at least someone who can speak Spanish better and can therefore potentially handle the little girl with more ease than I can. I don't know. We'll see. I'm going to continue to try to play with Noa once in a while (I'll just dress in layers to protect myself from the inevitable abuse) .... and I'm going to start trying harder to improve my Spanish so that I can communicate more with the parents, and with her. I'm sure part of the problem is simply the things that get lost in translation.

They say study abroad is character-building....

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Edit: After writing this Tony came to tell me it was time for dinner - apparently Noemi and Noa had already gone to bed because they weren't hungry. But he was very nice, and I really am grateful for it - even though he wasn't eating, he sat with me while I did (dinner was, coincidentally, delicious, as it was leftovers from lunch)... and when I said he didn't have to sit with me in my terrible Spanish, he said that I shouldn't eat by myself. Now I feel better. Somebody cares! Hurray! Haha.

Anyway.... just wanted to add that. Goodnight. <3